Having a baby has changed everything in my life massively, and my life as a musician is no exception to that.

Life before Sophie and life after Sophie are two very different places. Today’s blog post is going to explore how I’m navigating my music career alongside giving my baby the very best care and attention that I can give.

She was born two weeks late, at the end of February. I had cancelled all work of any kind for all of February and March. I knew that I would need time and space not only to learn how to take care of a newborn, but also to begin healing physically from birth. If I’d have known she’d be so late, I would have taken more time off everything. The start of April felt really soon to be teaching again. As is often the case, hindsight is 20/20 and this is the first lesson I’ve learned. Give yourself more time than you think you’ll need.

Now she’s almost six months old, I look back on the newborn phase and see how wonderfully simple it was compared to what it’s like now. Snuggle, feed, change nappy, repeat. What a gorgeous bubble. Now I’m starting to deal with her refusing to sleep on her own, experimenting with solid food, and needing much more in the way of stimulation, toys and play. It feels like a much more ‘full on’ phase. But everything is a phase with babies. This is the second lesson: Nothing lasts forever. Some chapters feel harder than others. When she’s one I’m sure I’ll look back on this time and marvel at how wonderfully simple it was, she’s not even crawling yet. Food is just for fun and there’s still plenty of snuggles to be had.

It’s tempting as a mum to try to keep quiet about our struggles, for fear of the dreaded ‘just you wait’ comments: ‘You think it’s hard now?? Just you wait until x, y and x’. Maybe each chapter is hard in a different way, the struggle of one phase doesn’t negate the difficulty of another. Sure, the newborn phase seemed simple, but I also had a house to take care of while recovering from a Caesarean. I was exhausted and in pain. The house was a mess and laundry needed doing. We never slept for more than three hours in one stretch. It felt really hard at the time.

So where does music fit into all this?

Good question. I’m still trying to work it out myself. I’ve had to really boil down what I need to do and be very strategic in making sure the essentials get done. My practice – when I get the opportunity to sit and practice – is so laser-focussed, because it has to be. What gigs do I have coming up? What music do I need to prepare? Which sections of the music aren’t quite fluent yet? What is most urgent?

I can no longer book in gigs or students without checking that someone can look after Sophie. That has taken some getting used to. I’ve been a free agent for so long and now I have to be much more careful with my diary.

Admin tasks such as replying to emails, sorting invoices and contracts, working on my website are now relegated to the corners of the day. Straight after teaching, while Sophie might be out on a walk with Nana, or while Sophie naps in her cot (praise the sleep gods, she sometimes sleeps on her own!)

I just keep coming back to the thought that this is an important chapter. A phase of life in which the main focus is my baby. Yes, I’m trying to squeeze my musical life in as well, but as long as I can keep everything ticking over for now, I may have more free time in future chapters.

The moment she turns six months old, Tim is going to get a running buggy for her. That will mean a significant amount more time will be available when I can be alone at home, practising without distraction. I’ve been listening to Cal Newport’s podcast Deep Questions and reminding myself how important it is to do our work without distractions – which is pretty much impossible with a baby. When she’s one she’ll be going to nursery for two days a week. The thought of it kind of breaks my heart but it’ll be so good for her to socialise and it will be a chance for Tim and I to catch up on everything else we have to do.

If you’re reading this and you are a parent, please leave a comment and tell me how you coped during the first year of your baby’s life, I’d be so interested to hear your experiences.

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